That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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