anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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