Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
