HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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