So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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