Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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