these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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