loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
