doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
