ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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