omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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