im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
