I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
