In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
