im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
