I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
