So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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