another moral hangover. fuck.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
