Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize