I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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