She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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