$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
