Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
