So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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