I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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