I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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