My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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