Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
