oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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