they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dear god my vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
