Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
