I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
