she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
