remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
