i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
