If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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