I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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