You just made me feel so damn special
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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