he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
