I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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