She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
