the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
