Already got asked if we're dating
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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