I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
