I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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