absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
