just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
