Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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