I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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