Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
