Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
