I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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