2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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