Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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