Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
